March 5, 2017.
For some reason I keep on writing “May” maybe in my desire to get spring here more quickly. Beyond this, also on my mind: yesterday’s bizarre Trump-tweet-storm and the fall out; my first 2017 run in the arb on Friday (some snow and ice, more mud). Today I’m feeling less pain than yesterday, which is always a win. Just in time, too, for a brunch with a few soon-to-graduate seniors.
I’m not really “feeling” the writing today which, I suppose, is the whole point of this practice. I know that writing creatively always, eventually brings me joy, but it’s not always joyful in the moment. I’m thinking this means it’s a good time to experiment.
hablo lo inglés matao hablo lo español matao no sé leer ninguno bien - Tato Laviera, "my graduation speech" Hablo lo español matado; so many words falling away. --Or maybe they burrow so deep I'll never find them without a treasure map. Equis marks the spot. I could have sworn I used to speak Spanish better. By which I mean I used to speak it more. By which I mean I used it more. ¿Dónde está? Sometimes my tongue feels clumsy, wrapping around vowels like that. My primos used to tease me for using complicated words. You know, cognates. I remember taking Spanish in college. I remember resenting having to take Spanish in college. I remember feeling like my Spanish was not their Spanish and it definitely wasn't good enough. A veces las palabras se me escapan, se me van, se me fueron, ya volaron. There was a time when I lived in Spanish. Madrid, oh Madrid. How you laughed at my words! I sounded old fashioned to you. Me puse de moda. I wore your words. Mi abi Gela passed away when I was fourteen. I still have some of her words, typed on onion paper. Quién sabe dónde las tengo; las guardé como un tesoro. My family is a family of translators, sliding back and forth between languages, making sure there is no purity in either. Mi español--perdido como es, perdida como soy--falls from my mouth in drops of hope. Dime qué hablas, y te diré quien eres. I speak un español de rompecabezas y un inglés inventado; I belong to neither.